Abby's Easy, Step-by-Step Guide on How NOT to Get a Girl to Go Out With You.

So you want to get that special chick to date you?  You know, that one who's told you repeatedly that she's not interested?  Well, here's a helpful list of hints as to what to avoid doing at all costs.  Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.  These have all happened to me, courtesy of one guy.  Just one.  Anyway, here goes.

1. DON'T tell her you're in love with her within a few hours of meeting her.
2. DON'T send her upwards of 40 texts in one day.
3. DON'T call her repeatedly to ask her what she likes about you, then get upset when she doesn't answer the phone after the 10th call.
4. DON'T automatically assume that if she doesn't respond to your texts within 30 seconds that she's abandoning you.  She's not.  Probably.
5. DON'T tell her all about your awful ex-girlfriends in one extremely long phone call, then ask if she'll be your new girlfriend.  This puts a negative connotation on her; she won't want to be an addition to that list in the event you break up messily. 
6. DON'T talk to your parents endlessly about how wonderful you think she is.  They will, in turn, call her and nag her about why she isn't going out with you.  THIS WILL NOT HELP YOUR CASE.
7. If she tells you she's going to be somewhere near where you live, DON'T just show up there and expect her to be happy to see you.
8. DON'T call her in the wee hours of the morning unless you're 1000% sure she's already awake.  If you're convinced you absolutely must call, text first.
9. DON'T burst out in tears if she calls you to tell you she's dating somebody else, or wants to.
10. DON'T tell her how amazing you think she is, then talk about how inferior you feel to her.  It sounds like you're fishing for compliments, or, more uncomfortably, trying to trick her into telling you she likes you.
11. If she's nice to you (like if you're sitting at the end of a pew crying your eyes out and she sits down next to you to comfort you), DON'T assume she's in love with you.
12. DON'T text her, pretend to be one of your friends, and ask her if she's in love with you.  Girls see right through that.  She won't buy it for a second.  Trust me, it just won't work.
13. Every time you talk to her, DON'T moan on and on about how much you miss her.  It'll make her feel guilty for not having seen you, even if she didn't want to.
14. DON'T tell her how happy you'd be if you were ever lucky enough to marry her.  IT WILL FREAK HER OUT.  JUST DON'T DO IT.

If you lovely internet type folks who I like to imagine read this have anything else to add, feel free to do so in the comments.