Okay. So. I know a while back I said I wouldn't do the anonymous "you" post things, but if you talk to me on any sort of a regular basis you know who I'm referring to, so either bear with me or stop reading.
Warning: The following post may (okay, will) contain copious quantities of profanity, much more than I usually use, and much stronger language, too. As I said above, bear with me or stop reading.
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Okay, buddy, WHAT THE HELL. So I'm sitting out here in lonely fucking Unincorporated King County HELL, near dying while I'm simultaneously hoping and praying you'll finally get a clue and realise I'm fucking IN LOVE WITH YOU, but all you can do is talk about that chick you're head over fucking heels for and I'm sitting there and listening because I'm trying to be a good friend or whatever, and anybody without a dick can tell I like you and you can't even be bothered to hold a conversation with me via text. If I weren't such a fucking coward I would've said something to you by now, but see, I'm kind of a fucking romantic and so I was kind of fucking hoping I wouldn't have to make the first move. So sue me.
To tell you the fucking truth, you're really the first person I've ever liked that I actually thought I had a microscopic chance of getting. My mistake.
After Winter Ball, when we were all over at your house and you kept making comments about how ugly you thought you were, I wanted nothing more than to reach across the counter, grab you by your tie, tell you just how fucking wrong you are, then kiss you. I wanted to do that so much. Even if nobody else sees it, I don't think you're ugly. Not even the tiniest bit. If you'll pardon the momentary shallowness, you're sexy as all get out. Yes, I'm aware Runescape has screwed with my aesthetic quite a lot, but come on. You know how to wield a blade, and all the cool kids know that swordsmanship is far superior to knowing how to pluck out a few chords on a guitar.
Anyway, the point I was trying to get at is that I saw the thing you put on Facebook about romantic companionship being unnecessary in your future. I really, really hope you don't mean that. You'll find somebody who'll change your mind. A small part of me (okay, basically all of me) hopes it'll be me, but sadly, I doubt it.
Frankly, I hope I will too. I'm terrified as fuck that nobody will ever want me, but I'm flatly refusing to give up hope. If I gave up, what kind of Shakespeare and Austen lover would I be? They're the ones who taught me that there's somebody for everybody. They taught me that even if you have to go through Hell to find them, you'll eventually find your other half. So I don't give up. Not even for a second.
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If you know this is about you and you're interested, text me and say so. Ask me out. Or better yet, the next time I see you, just fucking kiss me already. Please?
Except you don't read the strange ramblings of my poor, downtrodden, entirely crazed mind, so whatever.
Okay I'm done now.
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